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SCHOOLGIRL REPORT (1970) [Jul. 27th, 2007|11:59 pm]
Cinema Sewer Film Stills



Schoolgirl Report Volume #1: What Parents Don't Think Is Possible (1970)

The thirteen West German Schulmädchen-Report (Schoolgirl Report) films to come out in the 1970’s served both as pseudo-documentaries about the blossoming sexuality of teen girls, and as sweet, spankable softcore porn for horny male viewers. Call it “Edu-porn” if you like. By wrapping sex in the paper-thin coating of education, the not-so-subtle voyeuristic elements perhaps didn't seem so filthy in 1970’s Germany, but to today’s PC world that treats adolescent sexuality like the plague -- these films are the forbidden fruit.

Directed by Ernst Hofbauer (he also directed a number of the sequels in the series), Schoolgirl Report Volume #1: What Parents Don't Think Is Possible was cooked up as a cinematic version of Gunther Hunold's book of the same name. Gunther closely studied the sexual habits of teenage girls for his publications (I bet yew did, Gunther, yew ol’ DAWG, yew!!) and created material designed to educate parents on the very active sexual lifestyles of their children. But what Schoolgirl Report does is take the confessional material -- and act it out in sensuous, tight, glistening detail. European audiences would flock by the millions to see the films based on this book.

The recipe for this first instalment is that of a mix of sultry vignettes dealing with underage (barely) sex, interspersed with a reporter tossing ballsy questions (some responses are totally natural, others clearly staged) at young women on the street. Not surprisingly, many of the Schulmadchen films were shown in scummy grindhouses and drive-ins in the U.S. with this instalment distributed on North American soil as simply, “The Schoolgirls.”

Unlike many sexploitation movies the film seems to have a message, and that is that amoral and sinful behaviour on the part of Germany’s youth is completely natural and should be supported and tolerated by concerned parents -- not punished and used as a weapon to bestow guilt and shame. Most of the females on display (who are not actually underage, despite what the film insists) are quite hawt, and like all soft-core porn, the film is happily shameless and exploitative.

Imagine a 1970’s sex-ed classroom documentary, except instead of cutting away at the last second before the torrid teens play hide the gravy-trumpet, the good times just keep on rollin'. The effect on the audience is gleefully disorienting as they realise they’re getting educated and turned on at the same time. My friends, this is what American pornographers were trying to achieve with their “white coater” films from the same era such as MAN AND WIFE, but were failing at miserably.

This is the choice shit. The stories re-enacted are not like corny Penthouse forum letters, but instead exist as frank and scintillating acts of sexual exploration. This isn’t straight out porn though -- at just under 84 minutes there is plenty of nudity, but the actual on-screen sex is used sparingly, with much of the time spent talking about getting jiggy as opposed to actually doing it. If you wanna masturbate, you’re better to stick with the YOUNG, DUMB, AND FULL OF CUM series.

The vignettes are entertaining, and not as predictable as most sexploitation fare. A young girl verbally teases n’ tortures a priest in a confessional booth (this scene never goes quite where you think it will), a hunky lifeguard is the target of three nubile sunbathing teens who convince him that he needs to have a foursome with them, a cute blonde gymnast does her best to seduce her coach while the two are locked in the gym alone, an adorable hottie gets busted while being mounted by her boyfriend on the bus during a school field trip to a power plant, a girl discovers masturbation after fantasising about horses fucking, and a blond kid with a weird facial grimace gets fucked in a barn by a horny teenage girl. And I didn’t even mention the first-time experience with lesbianism, and the girl who masturbates with her stuffed toy elephant.

Despite the film's insistence that what we're going to see is "new" and "shocking," the real elevated level of entertainment here comes from the amazing hipster fashion and hairstyles of the time, freaky euro home decor, and last but not least: the funked-out soundtrack. Created by Gert Wilden, this S/T came out on Crippled Dick Hotwax in a CD release 10 years before this dvd recently appeared. I’ve been enjoying Wilden’s perversely groovy jazz/pop organ melodies from this movie for years, just dying to see the visuals that bop along with them. I’m glad to say that I wasn’t disappointed!

This is one of the first releases from Impulse Pictures, and their dvd is an impressive uncut anamorphic transfer, letterboxed at 1.66:1. They’ve announced that they will be releasing more titles from the series, which is great news, as the the Schoolgirl films improve in terms of sexy outrageousness with the second and third entries.


[User Picture]From: misfitwes
2007-07-28 06:03 pm (UTC)
This shit is wild. You said it's available on DVD now? Is there a website for this? I've been trying to find old 70's sexploitation films, and oddly enough in the bible belt where I live, they're hard to find.
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From: (Anonymous)
2007-07-28 09:01 pm (UTC)

impulse films

you can get the shit online easy, do a little (very little) work and you should find it quicker than it took you to type your comment
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[User Picture]From: languagevirus
2007-07-29 02:00 am (UTC)
That's great stuff, thanks for posting.
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From: abandonedrec
2007-08-12 05:57 am (UTC)


I think the first couple are available again on dvd, no? another thing to hunt down is the absolutely fantastic Gert Wilden cd that Crippled Dick released...a disc chock full of music he did for this series!
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[User Picture]From: bougieman
2007-08-12 07:13 am (UTC)

Re: dvd

haha, SILLY. Did you read the text? I mention that it's on dvd, who put it out, and the Crippled Dick cd as well.
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[User Picture]From: inkboy
2007-08-15 02:33 pm (UTC)

Re: dvd

I've also had the CD and am now super-psyched to see the movies. You can't go wrong with Crippled Dick. Their Italian cop movie collection, Beretta 70, rocks balls!
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[User Picture]From: bougieman
2007-08-16 02:07 am (UTC)

Re: dvd

Goooooodbyeee MY friend. I won't be coming (????) with yOUU
I been inside my blahblahblah (???) and I can't blahblah(??)
And the road I have to runnnn is... SOOO LONG
Got no time to hang around... it's.. SOOO LONG

(Rocks head to grinding organ noise)
Best fucking song ever. That's Franco Nero singing. Star of KEOMA and DJANGO.
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[User Picture]From: guy_with_hounds
2008-06-19 01:14 pm (UTC)
Wow...LOL. Great post. I'm glad I found this site!
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